Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
