well I can't set my house on fire every night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
how drunk are you?
Several
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
