Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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