I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this just has baby written all over it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
