Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
