your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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