If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
