i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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