Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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