3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
