for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
