The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
