So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
