She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
