Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
