You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
