Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
