We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
