i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize