why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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