I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
