i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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