I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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