i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
