There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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