last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
