I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize