shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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