69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This baby is an asshole
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
