I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize