i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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