so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
