I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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