Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had to cum in my sink.
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