Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
