That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
