I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
