Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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