it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
