At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
