I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
