Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
