just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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