one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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