Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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