I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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