hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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