But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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