every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How's work?
Spinning.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
