she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize