I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
