im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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