brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
please come you make the beer taste better
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
