I cockslap morals
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You don't make any sense
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