you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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