U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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