he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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