Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
