Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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