did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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