Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
