Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
