i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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