i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
