I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
