are you still at the devil's house?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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