I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
