Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
