sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
