she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
