her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
