Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
