Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
