Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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