what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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