The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
