That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize