i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
