Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
