Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
