So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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