super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
