i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
