sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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