I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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