official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Two words: blizzard sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
