He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize