every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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