Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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