Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
