well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
