What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
