tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
