I love black thongs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize