I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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