May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
