I want to make a zoo with you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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