Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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