I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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