You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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