You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I need to stop coming to work sober
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
