That's when you crack a 10am beer
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
