are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
