If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
